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Sex with friends is healthy according to psychologist Luciano Litereau

In It is recommended to take with friends, entertaining chapter of Love Fear Leaving, Luciano Litereau postulates that the limits of friendship have changed, ceasing to be a de-eroticized link to become a blurry zone where sex is allowed. With humor, this trans-Andean psychoanalyst synthesizes a series of papers pseudo scientists who maintain that Sexual relations with friends are healthy because they keep the body activethey strengthen self-esteem and friendship and prepare and allow them to rehearse sexual techniques that reduce anxiety and inhibition.

And if you’re not convinced yet, think about the economy, Because with a friend you save on restaurants and expensive outings to get to know each other.. Not bad right? AND Andrea, a fictitious client of the runner’s daybed, she thinks -forced- about the benefits of this bond, because Claudio -her partner?- He walked around Lima for a whole week with Nicolás, his boss and friend since university, without answering any of his messages and calls.

Will Maca be right? Will I have to accept her friendship with Nicolás or step aside from her? The safety of her little sister tortures her, because It had not crossed his mind that Claudio might be gay. Can it? And in this state – reunited with Claudio through – Andrea arrives at my consultation. Let’s go with it:

They have been intense weeks (sigh). After our last session Claudio wrote to me… and well… the emotion was so great… that I went crazy with “I missed you, I love you… shall we see you tonight?” (silence). I left your office upset and on the way home I didn’t want to talk to anyone so as not to doubt. I showered, changed my clothes and left for his apartment after a full week without hearing anything from him. What can I tell you? Days of loving him, hating him, missing him and wanting to kill him. And yet, as soon as she opened the door, I fell into her kisses and hugs. (sigh). We ordered sushi, we downed a bottle of wine and from there we went to bed… We didn’t get up all night and for the first time I stayed to stay, because that Saturday was the first Saturday – since I’ve known him – that I wasn’t going to get up early to go running on some hill. And that night we slept together and I felt like Camila Vallejo.

Andres Pina/Aton Chile

How is that?

Didn’t you catch that interview where he said I would kiss this man right now?


Damn, it’s from a while ago, but in that interview she says that when she saw her current husband she felt a sudden crush… and That was what I felt with Claudio the first time we met at the gym… only unlike Camila, I didn’t dare to kiss him or anything. It’s true… she is not only beautiful, but she has the average person… and after meeting him she decreed that they were going to flirt. Today they are a couple and when they don’t sleep together, they sleep badly. Don’t you think it’s cute? Also, Cami likes to cross her legs with her husband’s at night… and for me it was like a fairy tale sleeping next to Claudio. That night I felt like Lady Vallejo. I slept amazingly and the next morning we woke up and made love, we stayed in bed for a while and ordered breakfast so we didn’t even get up. And I was sailing in this cloud of love believing that this was just the beginning… when Claudio’s cell phone rings and I see him jump out of bed and go into executive mode (silence).

What happened?

At first he got serious and started writing things down, but after a while he smiled like I had never seen him smile before and hung up. Then he looks at me and his smile fades a little. Not completely, but it seems that something has changed and he tells me that we should take advantage of going out to lunch, since later he is going to leave with Nicolás and some friends to the south… about running a mountain race on Sunday. A Sunday? You can believe it? With a sorry face… that’s life, Claudio goes to the shower, but I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom so he wouldn’t close the door. Surprised, he looks at me with a face like, what happened to you? and I couldn’t contain myself anymore and I started screaming… Where are you going, faggot? You just arrived and you’re leaving! Are you going to start with Nicolás again? And I didn’t stop Sebastian, I didn’t stop shouting webadas at him and he… dumb… And when I confronted him to ask him to tell me what was happening or at least what he was thinking about, he replied that it was precisely because of this intensity that he went to Lima and didn’t tell me. He caught fish… well he is not available for this type of relationship. What type of relationship? And the very barsa tells me intense, possessive, invasive, crazy (silence). And I became enlightened…

In that way?

Suddenly it was like Maca, my little sister, possessed me. Do you remember that I told you that according to her Claudio was gay and that she had to live with it or leave him? Well… I breathed… and very calmly I told him that if the issue was Nicolás, there was no problem with me. She was willing to accept it or at least try, but what he could no longer tolerate was remaining in the shadows… because he was going to go crazy… There… all of Claudio’s strong pose went to shit and he literally collapsed in the bathroom… I reached out to grab him… He leaned on me and I sat him on the bed… And he cried. And believe me, it’s hard to see such a big guy cry… and after a long silence he tells me that things are not as I imagine… but that he likes it… he needs… to spend time with Nicolás… to talk alone with him… that they have known each other since the U… that what they have is not a sexual thing… but that from time to time they need to spend time together… I was frozen and he took the opportunity to go into the bathroom and take a spartan shower.

What’s that?

He showers in ice water. He gets under the spray without hesitation and in a matter of minutes he is out, as if he were ready to face the battle.. And while he was dressing, I was looking for the right words… words I never found… (silence). What could I say to him? Nothing… but in my head I did talk to Maca and called her a damn idiot… you were right… the fairy tale of heterosexual relationships, Prince Charming, unconditionality and growing old together is over. Checkmate. Game over. So much so, that we have not spoken to Claudio since then. There are no messages… and shall I tell you the craziest thing? I don’t need it anymore, I don’t want it anymore, I don’t miss it anymore. Even when I ran into him in the office, we looked at each other without exchanging a word, but he smiled at me lovingly… as if thanking me… well, I guess he appreciates my silence… And I only manage to smile back.

Lucian Luthereau quotes Jorge Luis Borges to show us that years ago the limits between love and friendship were much more marked. This 20th century writer maintained – in a beautiful text – that a relationship with a friend does not carry the doubts and anxieties that romantic relationships generate.

Besides, Friends do not need the same frequency as lovers.; There are friendships that resist time and distance without diminishing their commitment and intensity. But where the sharpest border is marked in these relationships is in the most intimate conversations, because following the author of the Aleph, “Friendship can do without confidences. Not love. If there is no confidence in love, it is already experienced as a betrayal.”

For Lutereau, Borges’ vision shows, like a photo from another era, that love and friendship went on separate tracks and that “the presuppositions of complicity – the true B side of the betrayal that Borges speaks of” are possible when you believe in the unconditionality of relationships. From this perspective, Andrea’s relationship with Claudio collapses when she realizes that her partner’s true confidant is Nicolás. She is not the person to whom Claudio tells his secrets.… at least… it is not the only one… and this betrayal – typical of the last century – It is what ends up burying the relationship.

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