Recover joy of living

After having lived a complicated, traumatic life experience, it is difficult to start over. These are moments when it is difficult for the person to believe that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Definitely, traumas affect us on a psychological level and whoever finds themselves going through a situation like this finds it difficult recover the joy of living, happiness, the desire to continue. But it is possible and there are strategies that can help us, as we are going to summarize with the help of an expert.

How do traumas affect us psychologically?

In the opinion of Rodrigo Gurrea Córdova, psychologist from the Institute of Interaction and Personal Dynamics (www.institutodeinteraccion.es), the Trauma can have a profound impact on our healthespecially in our mental health, and can generate feelings of anxiety, distrust and insecurity. “They make us experience a certain instability in our daily lives. And from the person-centered approach, what is recommended in this case is to recognize and validate the feelings, try not to reject our experience, since by feeling disconnected, with ourselves and also with others, this usually makes the healing process difficult, non-acceptance,” he details.

Coping with phases of grief

Grief is a response to loss -which can be of very varied types- and this response can manifest itself in many ways, it goes through different phases. “Normally we tend to reach a very deep sadness, confusion, anger…It’s so important to allow ourselves to experience grief authentically, without pressure, without a concise idea of ​​what it means to get over it or the time we have to spend in our own process to feel better. This usually varies. There are moments in which you can begin to feel better, regain your spirits, and there are other days in which you fall again, in which you feel sad again, out of place, you miss…”, points out the psychologist, who He adds that loss can last a long time, even though we can get used to it and live with joy and happiness. “We simply have to give loss and grief a place,” he says.

What are the most common reactions after a traumatic experience?

In the expert’s opinion, this is an aspect that depends on each person and the way we approach life. “It usually varies a lot. But normally what occurs after a traumatic experience or loss is usually the denial, anger, sadness and anxiety. And at times it can also be expressed as if we feel completely alienated from the experience, as if we have dissociated ourselves, so to speak, from the event. This is also very common,” explains Rodrigo Gurrea.

Therefore, in his opinion, what is very important is that when these experiences occur we have a safe space and support, which allows us to look these emotions in the face. “When this type of relationship or accompaniment is created, it greatly facilitates healing and progress. It involves accepting reality as it is, accepting that this is happening and seeing how we deal with it. Obviously it is not easy, it requires time. We tend to It also happens that we usually avoid feeling sadness or anger or these emotions that I mentioned to you, that are uncomfortable and we are socially very accustomed to rejecting them,” he details.

© Adobe Stock

The importance of giving ourselves time

What we also keep in mind, in this process to recover the joy of living, is that when facing grief, there is no defined moment for recovery, there are no deadlines. “Each person is unique and unrepeatable and also its process is unique, unrepeatable and it depends on many factors. It depends on the type of trauma you have suffered, the support you have, your scale of values ​​and beliefs. That’s why it’s so important self-explore and know yourself and this can greatly help the person to emerge more quickly from a state of deep sadness or from experiencing grief in a negative way, which may even paralyze them. But there is no defined time,” the psychologist clarifies.

“I think this is very subjective and relative. Despite being well, there are probably people who still have open grief and years, many years have passed. It does not mean that they are not well or that they cannot live experiences of happiness or joy But there are things that he still does not fully understand or that he has not yet faced and closes them,” says the psychologist.

Do extreme situations help us discover our strengths?

Not everything should be seen through the prism of negativity. Traumatic experiences, on many occasions, help us discover our strengths. This is what the psychologist believes. “Without a doubt, these situations usually reveal inner strengths we didn’t know we had. Suffering, adversity, normally make us develop resilience and understanding of oneself. If you notice, what we do is like self-discovery, so to speak. We look at parts of ourselves that we had not experienced and then we are presented with a huge opportunity to grow. I would also tell you that to accept impermanence. I believe that with this point of loss and grief, the most important thing is to be able to understand that as humans we will always be limited by many things, our own corporeality, existence itself. But above all we have to understand that everything ends. Everything in this world, as it is, ends and is something natural. The idea, therefore, is open ourselves to the experience of the here and nowof living in the present, understanding that sooner or later everything we live and share is going to end,” he adds.

Is it possible to recover the joy of living?

When we ask the psychologist this question, his answer is very clear: “Without a doubt. You can recover the joy of living.” It is not a simple task in many cases, yes. “It takes time, it takes effort, it takes a lot of openness and acceptance, but yes, it can be done. When you face yourself, you realize that there is something inside that is indestructible, so to speak. And from there you start living with much more presence, with more attention. And if you realize, being able to live understanding that life is impermanent and everything we live is impermanent, can help us a lot to live with more intensity, happier and less worried, to let go of what does not serve us,” he details. the expert

Useful tips to regain happiness

Finally, we asked the expert for the key: the advice that will help us regain the desire to move forward, to be happy.

• First of all, you have to allow yourself feel deeply. That is something very important.
• Don’t put pressure on yourself don’t judge emotions and, above all, do not reject them. When we reject our emotions, they end up becoming like ghosts that haunt us and lead us to live with a fear that is usually unsustainable, which usually paralyzes us.
• Don’t stop share how we feel. Looking for family members or seeking professional help is usually very important. Being able to share thoughts and feelings helps us reestablish ourselves.
• Practice mindfulness, be present, be in the here and now. Realize that despite everything we experience, if we give ourselves a little time to be present, we can understand that right now, when we are in the present moment, nothing bad is usually happening. This usually works very well.
• Reflect on what we do have. We all lose things, but we also have to realize what we do have. And we can show gratitude. This helps us change our perspective and focus on the positive and above all on the here and now.
• Another thing that can help us a lot is self care. Exercising, eating well and getting a good rest help us cope with these stages in which our energy is usually at low levels and when we have a very deep feeling of confusion.
• It is very important live it with peace of mind, at your own pace, without comparing yourself and, above all, without demanding yourself. The demand is something that leads us to live it with great discouragement.
• Finally, share these types of experiences much more. “I recommend that you open up, because it is very difficult to find people who teach us to live calmly in the moment of death or loss, even though it is the only thing we know as soon as we are born. The only thing you know at the time What you come to this world is that at some point you are going to die and everything in between is already quite an experience, but you know that with certainty. So I think it would also be very positive for all of us to be able to dedicate a moment to each other. time to these types of experiences and questioning how we want to live them and being able to let go. Detachment is the great tool,” he concludes.