A woman who was kicked out of her sister-in-law’s bridal party and refuses to contribute to the wedding has been backed online.
In a now viral Reddit post by user u/Naughty_Nici, the 41-year-old explained that she and her brother always had a great relationship and she was “heavily involved in helping organize things” for his wedding. She was delighted to be a bridesmaid and even offered to make a financial contribution to the wedding as the bride and groom were on a tight budget.
Things changed when the Redditor got engaged also, which she tried to keep “low-key” because she didn’t want to detract from her brother and his fiancée, Sarah. She’d been with her partner for a long time already, so it already felt like they were married anyway.
The post reads: “After announcing our engagement, Sarah became cold towards me. Tom [the brother] later told me that Sarah was upset, feeling like I ‘stole her spotlight’ by getting engaged before their wedding.”
Following that, the bride-to-be decided it would be best if the Redditor “stepped down as a bridesmaid” as she wanted all the focus to be on her. The couple felt that the poster’s engagement was “too distracting,” so she dutifully obliged.
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Despite removing her from the bridal party, the poster’s brother asked if she’d still be paying for a significant amount of the wedding costs. Needless to say, user u/Naughty_Nici was horrified and insisted that she would no longer be helping them.
“I politely declined, saying that I didn’t feel comfortable contributing anymore since I was no longer in the bridal party and felt hurt by the situation,” the Reddit post continues. “Tom got really upset and called me selfish, saying I’m ruining his big day. Sarah even accused me of ‘holding a grudge’ and trying to punish them.”
Kathy Gilchrist, the founder and chief financial officer at Cardinal Bookkeeping & Advisory, says that the sister has every right to withdraw her offer as it was meant as a kind gesture, and it’s understandable that she no longer feels as generous after being told to step down.
“It’s perfectly acceptable for her to withdraw her generous offer of support. It seems entitled of them to expect that she would still pay for a large amount of their wedding after they snubbed her,” Gilchrist told Newsweek.
Regardless of the right and wrong, she says the poster should be wary of the effect her decision could have on the relationship with her sibling. Changing how she thinks about the possible repercussions could provide her with a new perspective.
“She should consider the impact doing so would have on her relationship with her brother and whether that’s worth it to her. But her brother removing her from the wedding party will also have a negative impact on their relationship,” Gilchrist continued.
Additionally, Erin Gleason, a mediator, negotiation consultant, and dispute prevention advisor at Gleason Alvarez ADR, suggests that the sister should think about why she offered to help pay for the wedding in the first place before deciding how to act.
Gleason told Newsweek: “I sympathize with the ousted bridesmaid, sister, and financial supporter of this wedding. It must hurt to be cast out of the bridal party at a family wedding, one that she was clearly intent on helping make wonderful.
“But why did she agree to help her brother and future sister-in-law in the first place? To guarantee a spot in the wedding party? Probably not—she did it because she wanted to support her family. If she wants to maintain a good relationship with that family, the better path would be to adhere to her promise.”
While no family wants conflict, Gleason adds that wedding planning can be very stressful for couples and fallings out do happen. But they don’t have to spin out of control, so she encourages the Redditor to give her brother and his fiancée some grace at this time.
What Do Reddit Users Say?
Since sharing her debacle online on September 28, the Reddit post went viral with over 9,800 votes and 1,700 comments so far.
The poster explained that her decision to withdraw the money had split her family because some felt it was fair, while others thought she should stick by her original offer. As a result, she turned to the internet to ask if she’s in the wrong “for refusing to cover the wedding expenses.”
Plenty of Reddit users backed her decision to go back on her promise, and were horrified over the decision to remove her from the bridal party.
One comment reads: “Why would you announcing your engagement have any influence on their wedding? Does everyone have to pause their life until the highly exalted Sarah gets married? You have no obligations to pay for anything for your brother, other than what you yourself want. Them expecting money after treating you like this for no valid reason is absurd.”
Another Redditor responded: “You don’t need to put your entire life on hold because someone else’s wedding is a couple of months away. You weren’t stealing her spotlight, and she was being petty.”
While another commenter added: “Sarah and Tom have, how do I put this nicely, kind of lost their minds over what’s important in life and the precedence of their wedding over everything else in everyone else’s lives. They’ve treated you terribly with respect to the wedding and now they think you should subsidize them?”
Newsweek reached out to u/Naughty_Nici via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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