This week I activated a slow dating in Madridwhich although Anglicism sounds very mysterious, is nothing more than an event where we gather boys and girls and I develop dynamics so that they chat naturally (and thus break the ice).
The next day, speaking with one of them, he told me that unfortunately it was evident that there was a considerable gap between the mentality of the participants. Like some of the boys were very conservative while, from the conversations they had had, he got the feeling that the girls were more deconstructed.
“I think it is a reflection of societywhich is the panorama that exists,” he said. And he is right.
A few days ago, the interview with the sociologist Maike van Damme put an uncomfortable reality on the table, the panorama in Spain is discouraging if we take into account the main reason why women do not find a partner.
One in three women with training and egalitarian values She doesn’t find men who meet the same characteristics.
That this boy profile is unusualit is something that does not catch anyone by surprise at this point, the surprising thing is that the decision of those friends – of which we all have some – is not to ‘hold on’ and have a partner like thatbut rather they prefer being single.
The price of not keeping up with feminism has resulted in the number of involuntary singles It’s not going to go down. What’s more, generation Z comes with “a greater feminism gap,” said the sociologist.
According to their research, 25% of men with low education and traditional values They are not going to find a female partner that shares your level of education and values.
From “spinster” to “let one go”
A part of me feels my chest swell with pride when I listen to those single friends not to settle and turn the page of quotes that treat them in a less than empathetic way.
Men who tell them that they are interested, but then do not pay them even a minimum of attention, gentlemen with null notions of emotional responsibility or others with whom they stay for months and suddenly disappear from the face of the earth (to return a year later, usually with a message on a social network).
“For that, better single,” they say to each other. Single, not alone, nor spinster.
The spinster narrative, luckily, is something we’ve managed to break away from. We do not come from a situation that makes it easy, precisely: in the 18th century there were writings by philosophers who commented that For a man, being single was normal. and even desirable, it was seen as a source of virtue and happiness.
Instead, female loneliness was a failure and it was associated with sadness, the risk of developing a tendency towards evil or being more exposed to falling into all kinds of extravagances.
The idea began to change at the end of that century when in 1792, Mary Wollstonecraft begins to claim the need for solitude for womensaying that solitude and reflection are necessary to give strength to desires.
To this we must add that we have new references for single women like Diane Keaton, Emma WatsonAngelina Jolie or Sofia Vergara, who enjoy their life, family and careers.
So it makes sense that that empowerment, that level of personal happiness Regardless of the sentimental state, it is also reflected in the pleasure of being without a partner at your side with its corresponding dedication and enjoyment of other ties, hobbies or projects.
But, on the other hand, it makes me sad that as women who would like a meaningful relationship, with the possibility of creating a project for a shared future, they cannot do so for the reason that “This is the market.”
I don’t know if it’s a matter of them starting to look outside our borders (it has always been said that the Nordic countries are the most advanced when it comes to feminism) or to start talking about the elephant in the room.
That Spanish men should be more feminists.
