Next month sees the 50th anniversary of the disappearance of Lord Lucan, following the murder of his children’s nanny.
Since then, there have been more than 70 alleged sightings. What became of Lord ‘Lucky’ Lucan? We sift through the possible explanations.
1 He shaved off his moustache, exchanged his Savile Row two-piece suit for an all-in-one Lycra bodysuit, changed his name to Freddie Mercury and took up lead vocals in the rock group Queen.
‘It was a brilliant ploy. From that moment on, Lucky was hiding in plain sight,’ recalls one old friend. ‘When I visited the Lucan Special Operations Unit at Scotland Yard, they were busy placing red and yellow pins on a map of the world. Meanwhile, there on the TV screen behind them was Lucan himself, bellowing We Are the Champions at the top of his voice.’
In an audacious move, Lucan grew back his trademark moustache and premiered it on Top Of The Pops in the spring of 1980, singing Another One Bites The Dust.Â
Next month sees the 50th anniversary of the disappearance of Lord Lucan, following the murder of his children’s nanny
One explanation for his disappearance is that he shaved off his moustache, exchanged his Savile Row two-piece suit for an all-in-one Lycra bodysuit, changed his name to Freddie Mercury and took up lead vocals in the rock group Queen
But still the detectives at Scotland Yard were no closer to uncovering his whereabouts. ‘We were searching the racecourses and casinos of the world, but it never crossed our minds to look in Wembley Stadium,’ sighs Det Supt Brian Bumbling, who led the investigation.
‘Freddie Mercury’ died in 1991, his true identity still intact. After a tip-off, Det Supt Bumbling is currently keeping singer James Blunt under round-the-clock surveillance, ‘just in case’.
2 On the night in question, Lord Lucan drove straight from Belgravia to his friend John Aspinall’s home in Kent. Aspinall immediately ushered him into a VIP cage in Howletts, his private zoo, where he dressed Lucan up as a silverback gorilla.
‘Lucky had all the space he needed for roaming about, and plenty of raw meat and vegetables,’ Aspinall confided to his zoo diary. ‘Of course, the mating season gave him a few uncomfortable moments, but it was a small price to pay for his freedom.’
3 Some believe that Lord Lucan is still sitting in the House of Lords. ‘He’s there most days on the Conservative benches, generally second along on the fourth row, having a nap,’ says one leading peer.
‘He rarely contributes to our debates, but he’s a valued member of the Upper House and of course one’s far too tactful to mention anything about that dreadful business with the nanny. Yes, he’s been officially confirmed dead, but then so have many of our most prominent members.’
Lord Lucan was once dressed up as a silverback gorilla by his friend John Aspinall
4 After murdering his children’s nanny, Lucan threw himself off the Newhaven ferry with a view to ending his own life.Â
But by chance he plummeted straight on to a passing seal, which transported him to a long-established seal colony just south of Dieppe.
‘We used to take renegades in on quite a regular basis,’ recalls a veteran seal (name withheld). ‘Over the years, we’d found room for a prominent Great Train Robber and a celebrity dolphin which had managed to escape from an aquarium on the South Coast.’
5 A long-time private investigator into the missing Earl has uncovered startling new evidence to suggest that, for the past two years, Lord Lucan has been a regular presenter on the TV channel GB News.
Hosting the channel’s mid-morning programme One Thing After Another under an assumed name, Lucan delivers lengthy straight-to-camera diatribes on the topics of immigration, Tracey Emin, apostrophe misuse, the European Court of Human Rights, errant bicyclists, Keir Starmer, transgender politics, Meghan Markle and Broken Britain.
‘It’s the perfect place to hide,’ observes former Scotland Yard detective Barry Morse. ‘No one would ever think of watching it.
